white male christian redneck

Humor’s Last Chance………
A Redneck from a red state tells it like it is.

I am worried about the state of humor in this country, or the world for that manner. Everything must be so PC today, our humorists are starving in the streets. Some call them homeless; But I know they are mostly frightened, out of work humorist.

Why even Will Rogers would be out of grace
and out of work, if he was alive today.

If only there could be a record of the last four groups of people that can be made fun of, or even joked about in a humorous way with impunity. You know, to catch history as it disappears.

Webloafer is a member of all four of those last four groups. I don’t consider that unfortunate.

I am a Male, White, Christian, Redneck from a red state.

It is safe to make jokes publicly about me, or with me. And you may have figured this out…….I don’t care. I will not run to the ACLU, the government or the media with charges of insensitively or prejudice.

But I realize, someday, even these last four bastions of humor may be attacked, and defeated by the socialist sycophants of Political Correctness, so I wish to gatherin one place, (this blog forum) all of the redneck, Christian, white male jokes we can. We will then have a repository of the redneck humor before it disappears, like the other group humor. I will start off with a simple exercise in improving one’s vocabulary…

Let's take one page out of a dictionary, copy down the words only, and define them as they apply to me.


I have chosen at random page 197 from the following dictionary

UPDATED AND ENLARGED
The New American Webster Handy College Dictionary
NEW THIRD EDITION

This book requires a college education just to read the title.


I realize that my definitions may not have the verbs, and nouns, pronouns and such, correct. For a moment let’s forget verbiage or nouniage too for that matter.




Page 197

dilantin, di lan tin
If it’s dark, grab di lan tin to walk to the outhowse

dilapidate, di lap i date
Cuzzin Luke is sparkin a lap dancer….calls her lap, he says, “I won’t talk bout di lap I date.”

dilate, di late
Was Di late? I don’t know, what time wer she supposed to be ther
(I have a thurd cuzzin named Dil who we nicknamed Di. Dil sounds to much lik dil pikel. We figured her ma sneezed when filing out the burth curtifiat. She had been sayin she wood name her next girl Dilburt.)

dilatory, dil a to ry
I ain’t gotta clu it sounds cinister

dildo, dil do
Yeah, my cuzzin Dil will do about anything, who has a sharp nife? Dil do
Dil do just bout anything

dilemma, di lem ma
When ya find your ma fell in the pond, you grab a lem off the tree and holler out….grab di lem ma…….

dilettante, dil et tante
Heck I knew that, Dil ain’t even tight let lone tante

diligence, dil i gence
Dili is stubborn…..Dili gence won’t eat peas

dill, dill
two people can make a dill

dilly, dil ly
I sume this is a question, we don’t beleve much Dil says, we all no that Dil ly.

dillydally, dil ly dal ly
Well, Dil ly and his brother Dal ly. Dil ly Dal ly
Yep, someun musta snezed agin…..He were goin to be named Dalhart.
He thinks he were lucki to hav a name easy to spel.

diluent, dil u ent
Many times Ma had to tell Dil, Dil u ent goin to do that

dilute, di lute
Yes I got a boy cuzzin named Di too.
Di lute? I knowed Di was in a riot, but he won’t never lute

diluvial, di lu vi al
Yes Di is a luver, you can say Di luvi al

dim, dim
we always say cuzzin lukes porch lite is dim

dim, secunt meaning.

dim, dim
Where’d you get dim?

dime, dime
yep a dime is a coin good fer losin or stoppin’ on

dimension, di men sion
You no how di men sion of work scares Luke.

diminish, di min ish
I lernd this word reel good. You hav a diminished kapasity, I don’t no what that means, but my sikiatrist telled me that I got one.

diminuendo, di min u en do
I think I et a bowl of this at a frinds house

diminutive, di men u tive
I don’t no what a tive is, but ifen a gal wants ta, i reckon she can do it

dimity, dim i ty
at the golf korse I gave all dim i ty

dimmer, dim mer
Hey, dim mer my glubs

dimout, dim out
the umpire, he called dim out

dimple, dim ple
ifen da toth won’t fall out natturly, dim ple it out

dimsum, dim sum
I told my gal, I luv you dim sum


dimwit, dim wit
When you go to church make sure you sit behind dim wit the large hair, then da preacer can’t see ya sleepin.

din, din
We et bar b q, din we passed de jug

dinar, di nar
Di nar made it

dine, dine
It is sad but cuzzin Jake is dine

diner, din er
I was a sparkin her up rel fine, din er Pa showed up

dinero, di ner o
preacer said to walk di strat an di nero

dinette, di nette
we wood play vollieball but di nette is bein used down at the crek fer fishin.

ding-a-ling, ding-a-ling
ther are chillens readin this, so I woent commint on dis

Anyone want for me to splain page 198?

©webloafer 2008